RushEscape the life I have at home.
I was thinking Canada but London is farther.
I think that running away is the only way to deal with this.
I’ve tried dealing with it face to face… That didn’t work out too well…
As much as I am happy with how my life is turning out, I’m depressed as HELL lately and I think It’s my surroundings.
There are just too many thoughts crowding my mind CONSTANTLY.
I worry about my Mom and my Dad more than I admit… It’s always been a factor that they wouldn’t be around to see me do a lot of things in my life. And I’m not so sure how many of the things that there are to do have a guarantee of their attendance. Like my high school graduation for example… Sure it’s only two years away but the downwards sloping health of my mom scares the crap out of me.
And I didn’t really tell anyone this but last Christmas I had to go to a meeting with my Dad’s trust attorney and my four sisters. I have never been so scared in my life. My sister’s were all fighting over my dad’s estate and his money and when discussion got to my share, and they found out I was getting more (because I’m still a minor and I have to pay for my education and my mom) they all turned on me… “Why does she get the most? She doesn’t deserve it… She’s just a kid…” Like my Dad was some sort of money tree and I picked the most fruit or something… I don’t WANT to get more than my sisters but logically, it’s the way it should be… He has been paying for most of them like they don’t have a job (which every single one of them do… ), paying for their houses or helping send their kids to school (OR BOTH). And last time I checked, my Dad wasn’t going to be around to do that. I’m going to have to get a job and take care of my fucking SELF from the get-go. It’s not like I have some sort of support to back me up for the rest of my life. What am I going to do if I can’t get a job? Ask my sister’s for help? THEY CAN’T EVEN TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES!!!
And with my birth father … I basically send him an e-mail (which I am going to copy and paste RIGHT NOW because I can and want to.) So feel free to read it because I want the entire world to know I hate his guts more than ever. He basically sent my dad this bull crap poem about fathers… It’s ironic because he wasn’t any of those things.
I wouldn’t care if he committed suicide… It would actually feel good… he deserves everything he gets in hell. (I don’t even believe in the devil but for him, I make an exception)
Email is as follows:
“I'm not sure how to start this... I guess I'll just say that this is Corrina...
I'm glad that you know what the definition of a real father is. I hope that you know that you'll never live up to it.
I don't think I can forgive you. When I was young, I thought I did... I was waiting for you to come back all the time and hoping that I would forgive you but as time goes by, the pain stings a little more and more each day and I've convinced myself that you aren't worth it.
I don't think I'll ever be able to look at you without feeling a slight confused hatred in my heart.
It's not just the fact that you left... It's the fact of how you left... I trusted you, thinking you were going to be here every day for me, whether you take care of me or not, I needed the father figure in my life.
I feel like I have this empty hole in my chest that can't ever be filled.
It's because of you that I can't trust people anymore.
It's because of you that my childhood was a living emotional hell.
I've always wondered if maybe you started another family, if I had a brother or sister out there that I didn't know about... Or If you just went on with life, pretending it didn't happen. Or maybe you think about it every day like I used to.
I don't want you to contact me ever...
And I've removed you completely from my life.
I can't handle this emotional shit anymore.
You had a lot of nerve sending this to my Dad.
You are not my "Father" and you are definitely not my "Daddy"
You are just some sperm donor to me. You don't deserve the title. You never will.
I don't care if you brush this off like it's nothing or if you take this to heart as being my sole opinion of you... I do care however if you ever try to become a part of my life again. I don't want you in it. I've survived so far without you. I don't think you're considered a necessity anymore.
If you do try to contact me, expect anger. There are no open arms here. You hurt me. I don't forgive easily.
One good thing that came out of this whole "situation" is that I will make it my LIFE MISSION to be a million times better parent than you could ever be.
Have a nice life,
Corrina
PS: You'd be surprised at how good it feels after you spill out almost 12 years of suppressed anger.”
So yeah… That’s done, hopefully… If I mean that much to him, he’ll leave me alone…
And not to mention the friendships I think I’m losing… I don’t even talk to some of the friends I considered my best friends anymore! I don’t get it!!! DID YOU GUYS JUST DROP OFF THE PLANET OR ARE YOU ACTUALLY IGNORING ME. If you are, TELL ME TO MY FACE! I’m sick of this shit!!! I have too much shit to do to worry about whether or not you hate me… There are more important things going on right now. Seriously, make all of our lives easier and tell me to my face, I don’t care if you yell, scream, cry or throw shit… I’m the most dense person you will ever know… I don’t pick up shit like that… I’m not a mindreader >>
Okay I need to go to bed now before my fingers break off…
Much Love to those who ACTUALLY TALK TO ME
-Me
PS: Sorry for being a bitch... I need to rant for a while before I calm down... dA is the only way for me to do that without becoming homicidal... -huffpuff huffpuff-
Bitter
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Lost in a simple game of cat and mouse.
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私は下犬です。
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You know I think its kinda funny that you turned your back on me, then a friend tried to stab you right in the face.
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╔══╗♫
║██║
║(o)║
╚══╝
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Lost in a simple game of cat and mouse.
--
私は下犬です。
--
You know I think its kinda funny that you turned your back on me, then a friend tried to stab you right in the face.
I have 5
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╔══╗♫
║██║
║(o)║
╚══╝
--
Lost in a simple game of cat and mouse.
--
私は下犬です。
--
You know I think its kinda funny that you turned your back on me, then a friend tried to stab you right in the face.
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